Thick Fog Surrounding Us
Grief is one of the most profound and painful human emotions. Your deep sadness and mourning may be the result of one of many circumstances. Some examples might include a cancer diagnosis, becoming permanently disabled, or an amputation. Perhaps you are a wounded warrior struggling with wounds that run deep into your soul, even though no one can see them. You may be reeling with pain from the loss of a loved one. Whatever the cause, you now have to decide how you will face and frame your present circumstance. It will take courage to deal with it, but you must, or it will disable you in more ways than one. Taking a brief hibernation may be helpful to renew your strength and gain some perspective, but do not think your grief will be gone in the spring of your hibernation if the goal is only to escape from it. It doesn’t work like that.
Turning Inward! Yes, you have cause to mourn. You feel deprived of your share of happiness. You feel torn apart inside, and sorrow has settled in your heart. Your mind is like a thick fog. Whatever the cause of your grief, it is my deepest desire to express how sorry you are in such pain. Nevertheless, you can choose to discover how to turn inward and be compassionate with yourself – right now! This is perhaps one of your most critical needs. Don’t run from your pain and loss. Defining and accepting your reality of loss is essential to your survival and future happiness. Denial only prolongs the pain. Grief from a life-altering circumstance may never completely go away. Learning how to reconcile your life after a time of loss requires self-nurturing and continuing loving attention to enable you to move through your grief. Know yourself. Figure out what you need for nurture, health building, for hope. Pray, ask God to guide you.
Seizing Every Opportunity to Reclaim Your Life! The author, Louis L'Amour, underscores an indispensable attitude worth noting: "Up to a point a man's life is shaped by environment, heredity, movements and changes in the world about him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, their times, lack of good fortune, or the quirks of fate. Everyone has it within his power to say, 'This I am today; that I will be tomorrow.'" (Reader’s Digest, Vol. XXX) The circumstances leading to your grief may result in your inability to fully recover. Choosing to seize every opportunity to reframe your life into one of purpose, contribution, resilience, and hope should be your prime objective despite it.
Encouraging Your “Happiness and Hope” Team to Reset! Don’t forget that you need a system, a team, a family to be part of. If your loss doesn’t include key people, encourage the family team/family/support to reframe with you so they are a powerful, positive support for you. If your loss includes key people in your life, you must seek replacements. This includes powerful connections with those who understand and those your new understanding from your loss can assist. Ask God for those new connections. He will bring them into your life or renew past relationships that have gone separate ways for whatever reason.
In conclusion, as you learn about your personal grief, you learn that you can't have your life back. You have forever transitioned into your next phase or season of life. You now have clarity as to how to reframe your grief and loss. You have learned to fill your life with new opportunities and tools for service. After you have sufficiently faced and mourned your loss, ask your team/family/support to help you resist the temptation to go back into that dark, heavy fog and help you keep a hope-filled focus. And always remember, your God/Creator knows you inside and out and knows exactly what you need to move from that darkness into the light and life of hope. Ask for His comfort, guidance, connections and empowerment. He will give it to you, and your thick fog of sorrow will slowly dissipate. John T. Catrett, III
ONHL Hospice Chaplain
918.352.3080
john.catrett3@gmail.com