The house lights are twinkling, Christmas trees glimmer out of every front window, and joyous music fills the air, but your heart seems immune to the joy. As much as you want to, you can't feel the happiness this season used to bring. All you feel is—alone.
The holidays usually bring family gatherings, hours spent choosing and wrapping special gifts for loved ones, and a wonderful feeling of goodwill and happiness. Yet, for one who has lost a loved one, the holidays can be one of the darkest times of the year.
It can be painful to remember the special times the holidays used to bring—and to realize thatitwillneverbethatwayagain. Itcanalso be painful to see others still with their loved ones, to watch as they hold hands, or sit snuggled into each other, and to be reminded yet again that you are alone.
Even the good memories can be painful. Each memory can awaken the dull ache in the chest and open the floodgates as tears flow yet again. The sweetness of the memories is in sharp contrast to the emptiness of now. Others may try to help us by including us in their festivities, but we may not feel up to joining in the celebrations. It's okay to say “No thanks' if the thought of being at a holiday party turns your stomach. The time will come when you look forward to the chance to go out. Allow yourself to be where you are in your grieving process.
What can we do to lessen the pain and to increase our ability to feel peace in this, the Season of Peace?
Realize that it is normal to feel down during the holidays when you've lost a loved one. Don't berate yourself. If you're having a down day, accept it as normal, but also admit that tomorrow holds the possibility of being a better day.
Reach out. Find someone you can talk to, someone who understands what you're going through, and visit. Share what helps you each get through hard times, and you'll both come away stronger. One woman suggested finding a joke, the cornier the better, to share each week. That way her spirits are lifted, and she brings a smile to the people she shares with too.
Decide that this holiday season, you're going to give yourself a gift. It can be something tangible that you wrap and put under the tree, or it might be a new idea or habit you are going to implement that will improve your quality of life. Do one thing for yourself that will bring a smile to your face!
Be determined to read uplifting literature this month. The words we read have a great effect upon us, so we are wise to fill our minds with the greatest words ever written. Of course, Scripture fits the season perfectly, but in addition, there are hundreds of great books that attest to the potential and actual goodness of humanity. Read something heartwarming, and be lifted! Of course, one to include each December is Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Better than any movie ever made of it, the book is sure to have you smiling as you read the last line!
Find a way to lift someone else. The Christmas celebrations originated, after all, honoring the birth of One who gave His whole life for others. It could be a good deed done anonymously, or you could simply spend time with someone who is lonely or down. It's a generally accepted fact that a sure way to forget your own troubles is to help someone else to forget theirs, if only for a few minutes.
The holidays can be a painful reminder of all that is wrong in our lives. On the other hand, we can do our best to see them as a time to celebrate the Goodness of God that came into the world two thousand years ago—and to spread some of that goodness through our own life and to all those we come in contact with.
John T. Catrett, III Scissortail Hospice Chaplain 306 North Main St., Suite E Bristow, OK 74010 918.352.3080