Thinking Out Loud

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Fly-Fishing and Grieving

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What does fly-fishing have to do with healing your grief? I love to fish and especially fly-fish. I am a novice fly-fisherman. Someone who understands the sport of fly-fishing recognizes there are certain insect hatches that take place from early spring until late fall. Wading into the water to carefully examine what is going on in a lake, river or pond can underscore what the fish are feeding on. What some people don't understand is that fish feed under the water surface as the insect hatches rise from under the service of the water. [We therefore fly-fish under the surface - we call this "wet flyfishing". Other hatches have insects landing on the surface. [We fish with the fly floating on the surface of the water - we call this "dry fly fishing.”] In either case these hatches often cause a feeding frenzy. Capturing the ability to recognize what insect has caused the feeding frenzy and duplicate it with a fly always leads to success. I have fished with several different fly patterns with no success and then finally recognized the correct fly pattern and caught fish on almost every cast. Life is like that - to succeed often there is a need to change or adopt a new strategy. Goal setting can assist in our grieving strategy also.

As a chaplain I have had the privilege to rub shoulders with several high achievers who consistently set and accomplished certain important goals. The thing I noticed is that there were characteristics they all had in common. In fact, there were six characteristics they all shared to set big goals and achieve them and gain what they wanted in life. The same thing is true in healing your grief. If we apply these six strategies in grieving health, it can make a difference in our lives.

Accept Reality and Seek Wisdom! "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to make the difference" (Anonymous). Symbolically, some peo ple try to constantly pound a square peg into a round hole. To heal from your heart being torn apart, acceptance of what you cannot change is necessary as you seek reconciliation. Dig deeply to find the courage and the wisdom to make a difference in your life and start healing.

Believe We Can Succeed! There is great power in thinking we can. This characteristic causes us to take action in order to make it happen. Conversely, if there is a hope that we can win, often too much time is spent only hoping and not making it happen. However, regarding the successful executives mentioned above, there was a direct correlation between what they believed and the final results. We need a positive shift in our thinking that can give us the power to reach beyond and erase self-doubt. Our belief can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Believing in ourselves is vital to our healing.

Get Over the Past! Life does have its bumps, bruises, and detours. Some of our happenings may be haunting and cause selfdoubt. In business there are downturns in the marketplace, and sometimes positive change appears now to be impossible. In our sorrow we must accept the fact that we can't have our old life back the way it was before our grief circumstance. We must deal with the new us and our new circumstances. By believing that we can is the beginning of reconciling our sorrow. Grief and fear often partner together. We must not let anxiety and worry hold us back; don't internalize fear. Use it as a stepping stone. Believe that we can.

Set Correct Goals! Setting our goals with only a we-hope attitude may result in failure. It must go beyond hope. If we believe, we will want to set goals that are specific, concrete, and measurable. To overcome our grieving, it cannot be a goal of simply overcoming your grief. This goal, although great, is too general. Being specific helps us achieve and may accelerate our progress. Specifically, what must we do? Is the goal concrete? Have you spent sufficient time to view all our strategies with clarity and purpose? Is it measurable?

Look Into Our Why! Our own personal motivation can be easily dismissed. If we don't feel connected to what is most important and haven't seen the why of the actions that must lie before us, when the going gets tough we may likely give up. Game over. There will come a time when the way before us may appear to be an impossible vertical climb, like a mark drawn in front of us that may persuade us to give up from accomplishing an important goal. Overcoming our grief and healing is one of those important benchmarks necessary to our happiness. Our connection with the why is vital so that we can understand what we will lose if we quit and what we will gain if we continue. The chances that we will not chase our goal if things get difficult increases astronomically without understanding why.

Know Importance to Begin! It is human nature to place things to do on the back burner. Particularly when they appear threatening and foreboding. Overcoming a serious tragedy and being torn apart emotionally, physically, and psychologically can cause us to pause. Nevertheless, after a brief hiatus, it is important to move on - to begin.

As we think about these six common characteristics, it is my prayer that the Lord will give us understanding in the steps that we can follow to accomplish the best for our healing, and may we receive meaningful insights into actions that we can take to achieve what is important and essential to our grieving journey.

May we fly-fish for the big ones with wisdom and understanding, and may we also go deep in our discernment in our grief-stricken expedition!

John T. Catrett, III

Scissortail Hospice Chaplain 306 N. Main St., Suite E Bristow, OK. 74010

918.352.3080