Billy Graham once said that “Man has two great spiritual needs. One is for forgiveness. The other is to be forgiven.”
There is a simple biblical premise: forgiveness is never about the other; forgiveness is for my sake. Forgiveness happens on two levels: Forgiveness from God to us, and forgiveness from us to others. Most of us delight in God’s forgiveness to us—we are glad that the Lord forgives us from sin, but we get all tripped up when we know we need to forgive someone else.
Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV) tells us, “ 23 Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
That does not mean you go ask for an explanation, nor does it mean you ask for an apology, but it does mean you ask them for forgiveness—no matter whose fault it was! You are not responsible for their actions, ONLY your response of obedience to God. He says, “You go first .. . you be reconciled to them.”
But wait, it’s someone else’s problem, not mine. Someone else is bitter or someone else has a problem, not me. I’m OK! I’m allowed to be bitter. I’m allowed to fret and fester. I’m allowed to hold a grudge.That might sound reasonable if you’re hurt or angry, but Jesus had some thoughts about this subject of forgiveness, and we can find His words in the Bible.
Matthew 18:23-35 tells the story about the debtor who couldn’t pay his debt and was forgiven the money he owed by his master. However, when he was owed money, he did not forgive but put the man in debtor’s prison. When the king heard about the unforgiveness, he called in the one he had forgiven and said, “ 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. 35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” Notice there: If you don’t forgive a brother or sister—God will not forgive you—you won’t be saved. It is not a conditional statement!
Have you ever been assaulted, offended, or abused by someone’s words or deeds? Have you had a misunderstanding that you did not resolve—but let it fester? Have you ever had unfair deeds or behavior directed at you by someone? Has anyone ever used harsh words to or with you? Have you ever been shamed by someone? Have you ever been wronged that left you with scars of pain, anger, depression, bitterness, or humiliation in its wake? Have you hung onto that pain and anger? . . . BUT WAIT!!
Have you ever abused someone with your words or deeds? Have you created a misunderstanding that you did not resolve? Have you ever done an unfair deed to someone?
Have you ever used harsh words with someone? Have you ever wronged someone that left them with scars of pain and anger? Are they still left with that pain and anger?
Everyone says and does hurtful stuff. It’s in our nature. If you love and forgive one another, relationships are restored and intact, but if you do not love and forgive one another, relationships are broken. Moreover, if your relationship with another is broken, so is your relationship with God. So, I would say to you: “Get over it! Your eternity depends on it!”
If God were to forgive you the same way you forgive others, where would that put you?
Forgiveness is not even whether a person deserves it, nor even if they’ve asked for your forgiveness. Forgiveness has to do with your decision to extend grace and mercy. I like the Mother Theresa quote that says: “Not forgiving is like drinking poison to kill the other person.”
Forgiveness is about the condition of your heart—not theirs!
Always in His Service, PastorRon Pastor, Fellowship Church of the Nazarene