Negative emotions related to grieving are usually tied to a set of painful memories. They are active at any time when some present life occurrence may trigger our memory of a lost loved one. We may seem to possess a calm outward appearance, but inside our hearts are experiencing a nightmarish existence as tender memories bring back pain and emotional hurt over and over again.
We can try to delete or erase those raw memories from our minds, but we end up with are daily setbacks. We can overcome these memories; begins with a simple question/answer procedure. The only things we need are paper, pen, and an honest heart. Allow me to share how.
We need to honestly jot down those negative thoughts that lie in the bottom level of our subconsciousness. They always come from somewhere deep down in our reminiscence. Painful memories are the reason for the throbbing of our hearts and the haunting of our thoughts. They create more harmful reflections and toxicity throughout our body, mind, and soul, and they need to be eradicated from our hearts.
We lost our cherished loved one, and we have experienced a series of moments of hurt, feelings of loss, and abandonment. Our family, friends, and society may also be sharing with us some miserable myths that they have picked up from similar grieving stories. Listening to them can compound our negative thoughts and make us feel like we are in a hopeless situation. We think we don't deserve to live, we are abandoned, and we are unloved. We feel trapped in a destructive and strong absorbing trance that eats away at our true self worth. We must remember we’re deeply loved by those that have gone on before us in death, by family members, friends, and most importantly by God Almighty! So what can we do?
By ourselves we try to release these negative thoughts, but the work will be useless because it will give us only temporary results. As long as we keep our negative memories and painful emotions locked up in our hearts, they are still actively eating away at our ability to overcome them. Inotherwords,itis like treating symptoms over the real root cause of the disease. To begin, let’s replace the adverse memories with at least two or more positive recollections with our cherished loved one. When our thoughts turn to negative memories, we tend to hold strong beliefs about them. We tend to believe they cannot be removed from our minds. We are fearful that we may lose our own sanity and health due to this type of suffering. We have a strong need to store all memories, even negative ones, as we desire to define who they were in our hearts.
With God’s help we can consider new ways of dealing with memories in our grieving. When we are ready and willing, we can start analyzing why those memories are so toxic. It is a process that could help us discover the truth about it, the lies and misbeliefs that hold these harmful memories to our minds. Weneedtorealize the truth. Then we honestly acknowledge it for what it is, and then in time, allow God to slowly or quickly erase these negative memories of grievingfromourhearts. As Believers believers we need to ask ourselves some important questions like, “Did I ever apologize or ask for forgiveness for these blunders or mistakes?” If we can say, “yes,” then we need to forgive ourselves and move on with our lives, as our deceased loved one no doubt desires for us.
We can restore joy, comfort, and peace again to our grieving hearts. When we work to substitute positive memories for every negative memory by remembering moments of apologizing and/or asking for forgiveness, it can bring clarity of thought and greater resilience in facing traumatic loss. In time we can become emotionally stable, growing in self-esteem and self-worth. These are some wonderful blessings in taking control of negative thoughts and memories. We can become healthy in our self-consciousness and more alive in our body, mind, soul, and spirit when we start understanding why those memories and thoughts were toxic and hassling to us.
My name is Chaplain John, and it is my heart’s desire to assist people to have helpful handles that bring natural grieving under control so that we can take our lives back and start living a normal, healthy life by grieving well. So if this article or any other article has been a blessing to you and your family, please call (918) 352-3080 and let them know in your own words what they mean to you. Thank you! John T. Catrett, III Scissortail Hospice Chaplain 306 North Main St., Suite E Bristow, OK 74010 918.352.3080