"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly"
~ Anonymous. Our grief experience may have been unbearable, and we may have felt like a caterpillar crawling about aimlessly. We may feel uncertain and lack clarity just like the caterpillar's uncertainty about the future. Grief can cause us so much confusion and lack of direction. “Impossible“ appears to raise an ugly detour to any hope for happiness. Can we ever be happy again?
If so, how can we achieve this? These can be the questions that seem to be larger than life.
"The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible" ~ Arthur C. Clark. Exploring what the limits of what is possible beyond the grief and loss that we feel often requires us to take a step out into the dark. Let’s examine two simple actions that often feel as though we are stepping into a black shadowy darkness that seems beyond what we might presently feel is beyond our limits to achieve.
Action #1: Don't Hurry Past Small Pleasures! "Life is made up of small pleasures. Happiness is made up of those tiny successes. The big ones come too infrequently. And if you don't collect all these tiny successes, the big ones don't really mean anything" ~ Norman Lear.
A phrase often used but not so often heeded is: "Stop And Smell The Roses." Little children can repeatedly teach us. Try walking down the sidewalk with a 4-year-old as she/he pauses to notice a bug, a worm or some other little thing as you walk together. She/he pauses to investigate these small pleasures, and learn from them. They bring awareness, and happiness to us in an action, which otherwise we would have passed by. Grief and loss happenings have a way of overshadowing many simple pleasures and pastimes. "Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it" ~ Soren Kierkegaard. At a time when our grief and loss takes our breath away, as our sorrow is so deep, can we say again - "Stop And Smell The Roses?" Take the time to reflect and ponder simple pleasures and actions that can bring us joy.
Action #2: Healing Blessings Come In Many Ways! Grief, loss and the resultant sorrow that follows hide many blessings that surround us. Our ‘sorrow cross’ is unique and how we carry it is personal. After doing all we presently feel we can do on our own, seeking healing help from others - a grief coach, a minister, priest, rabbi, a friend, and from communion with our God should also be strongly considered.
"Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to Him who loves us best. Sometimes a "healing" cures our illness or lifts our burden. But sometimes we are "healed" by being given strength or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us" ~ Elder Dallin H. Oaks November Ensign 2006. Our belief in a Supreme Being can give us added strength. Many testify of a God who loves us and knows us by name and watches over us in good times and bad. We need to express our gratitude for that belief. Those things that we believe have comforted hearts. Even though we don't understand the why of our grief, our deep discouragement has been met, and conquered, by our beliefs nurtured and harvested. For this understanding and blessing, we need to express our humble gratefulness. We need to encourage others to seek comfort, peace and strength through communion with God while seeking new purpose, hope and peace.
As we deal with our personal and unique grief, be aware that healing blessings come in many ways. Let us be meticulous in seeking for sources to bring us inter joy, and all ways to heal from our sorrows. Let’s seek diligently for all solutions to give us strength to reconcile our grief circumstance. At all times, embrace all positive available social media, technology, internet, and all other beneficial and essential resource solutions. Overcoming despair, grief and loss should be our highest priority. To stop grieving, and start healing from grief of loss and sorrow, while finding hope and joy, is vital to experiencing lasting peace and fulfillment.
John T. Catrett, III
ONHL Hospice Chaplain
(918) 352-3080
john.catrett3@gmail.com