Regrettably Regrets!
In the years of serving as youth minister, preaching minister, and now a hospice chaplain, the strongest regrets emanate from those who have lost a loved one to death. I have heard laments from 'I wish,' 'if only,' 'it's not fair,' and 'why?' just to name a few. These regrets can consume a person, stifling their ability to go forward, paralyzing him or her into living a guilt-ridden existence.
Most of us have regrets. We regret a missed opportunity, or misconduct perpetrated in the past. Sometimes these feelings escalate into strong regrets, while others diminish into minor ones. But no matter what, dealing with regrets is something each of us has to work through Now here are three thoughts that just maybe you haven't considered before. Hopefully, these ideas can become a blessing and an encouragement to you and your family. REGRETS SHOW THAT YOU CARE. NEVER WALLOW IN REGRETS, but USE THE LESSONS THAT REGRETS TEACH! These are what we need to contemplate.
If you had no regrets, you would not care. We would be concerned for anyone who claimed a relationship or friendship with the departed, yet has no regrets. The level of love and care we have for our lost loved ones are evidence of that love. Regrets also demonstrate that we are now fully aware of the missed opportunities. So in a very real sense, regrets are good. Lack of regrets may show that we are calloused and hard-hearted. Or they may simply reveal a lack of awareness of the unrealized opportunities that may have slipped us by.
We must beware; regrets have a sad attraction to wallow in them. We spank ourselves with these regrets like some sort of whip on our guilty conscience. We bathe in their debilitating muck, immersing ourselves in their guilt and gloominess. Wallowing in them is counterproductive. If you lost someone dear, you'll be tempted to wallow in your own self-pity and focus on your regrets, but this robs the person you love of all the other things they accomplished in life. If you do not focus on what you did with them, but instead focus on what you didn’t do with them, you are setting yourself up for a lot of hurt and needless pain for the future.
If we view guilt and regret as a God-given response to teach us lessons, then we are on the upward road of being healed and whole again. Regrets are selfish only if we are not willing to learn from them. They can teach us some essential things about life and about ourselves. But wallowing in them is purely a selfish endeavor. It keeps us from living, loving, and laughing. It keeps us from realizing all the things that we did and accomplished with this precious loved one that we miss so dearly now. Let’s keep our focus upon what this cherished loved one meant to others and us. Regret can derail this important element in our grieving process.
Regrets show us that we can't afford to miss any more opportunities. If you lost someone close to you, don't let your regrets keep you from those still alive. Take the lessons that you learned and try not to miss any important opportunities to share your heart with others. Spend more time thinking about others. Ask yourself, if so-and-so died today, what regrets would I have? Better yet,if I died today what regrets would others have about my life with them? Then go out and do something about it; acts don’t wallow. Regrets allow us to realize what is most important in our lives.
Our regrets ought to show us where our values are. We can use that to inspire us for the future. As a responsible, reasonable, and caring individual, we can use regrets to motivate us to learn from our mistakes. We all regret some of the things we have done in our lives. I regret some of my choices, but having a loving and forgiving relationship with my family and with God allows me to focus on what I can still accomplish, the things I can still do, and the choices that are still before me. Regrets can be a very powerful pro-active stimulus in our lives that can benefit us in wonderful ways if we allow it and are willing to act upon it. John T. Catrett, III Scissortail Hospice Chaplain 306 N. Main Street, Suite E Bristow, OK 74010 918.352.3080