Where To Get Help?
Where To Get Help?
What do you do with the excruciating pain of lost loved ones through death? Are these horrible feelings normal or abnormal? Whom do you rely on to share these deep feelings of loss? How can you find the adequate help that you need? There are answers to these questions.
To begin with, be assured there is nothing wrong with seeking help. We need each other, especially when someone we love has died. And even if you have a satisfactory support system, there is much about grief you may still need to learn, especially if you had poor grief role models as a child. So what can you do? Here are six sources to call upon as you see fit. It is your grief, and you need to grieve in your own unique way.
The first choice for assistance should be those whom you feel you have the most trusting relationships with, and who is the best listener in the group? Who will allow you the freedom to express your pain without trying to fix you? Who will hang in there with you for the long haul? All friends and family members have their strong points and not-so-good points when it comes to caregiving. You need to figure out which ones you can rely on to be there for you.
Early on in your grief journey, you may have no interest in reading, but at some point, it can be very useful to become aware of the wide range of normalcy in the grief process and the most useful strategies for coping with loss. We all need education in these areas since very little is done in a formal way in the school system. Here are two books I recommend to all members of my support groups: The Mourning Handbook by Helen Fitzgerald and Life After Love by Bob Deits. They are full of effective practical strategies to help your transition.
Joining a grief support group may sound daunting or frightening, but even though you may have an adequate support network, you can profit greatly from attending a grief support group. They have trained facilitators, and you will learn much from them, as well as the other members in the group. You may find a grief companion in the group that you can talk with between meetings. There is nothing like finding someone who is also grieving, especially if the two of you relate well together. Check for support groups at your local hospital, hospice, or church, and be sure to ask about the background of the facilitator. I recommend Grief Share groups.
If you are dealing with a lot of hidden anger, guilt, depression, or eating disorders, it may be wise to seek the help of a professional counselor. Once again, check out their credentials (where they were trained, how long they have been practicing, and what their specialties are), or ask someone you trust to recommend someone. It is best if you can find a counselor whose primary practice is assisting those who are grieving. One trusted organization to contact for grief specialists in your area is the Association for Death Education and Counseling (go to http://www.adec.org).
Obtain information and insights from the many websites on grief. There is much useful information on the internet that can be very helpful to your grief work. Some sites have chat rooms where you can ask questions or join a discussion group. Simply do a Google search on Grief Websites, and you will have many to choose from. Here are three that I recommend: http://www.GriefHealing.co m, http://www.grow.org, and http://www.griefwatch.com.
Finally, there is a wealth of information on grief and coping with loss that is free to download off the internet, as well as the websites mentioned above. The sites I am recommending now are seldom suggested to mourners, yet they have a wealth of materials to choose from. Simply go to the site and type 'grief ' or 'self-improvement' into the search box, and you will have many articles to choose from.
Remember, we all need a little help when grieving. Search for the specific answers to the questions you have in this emotionally demanding grief process. There is nothing more important in adjusting to your loss than taking care of and treating yourself well at this time of great change. John T. Catrett, III Scissortail Hospice Chaplain 306 North Main St., Suite E Bristow, OK 74010 918.352.3080