The Christmas season, as you once knew it, was a joyous time of celebration and family togetherness. When an important ingredient in the event has been taken away, it might be challenging to find joy. It might be difficult to participate in the festivities of the season. Some have said they wish they could make November and December disappear from the calendar.
While you can't magically make the months disappear, I encourage you to protect against isolation and denial. These two emotions are counter productive to your grief journey and are more likely to keep you stuck instead of moving forward.
During this season, as you remember the joys of being with your loved one, I want you to give yourself permission to cry. I am sure you have heard that tears cleanse the soul, and I believe that. Tears do not show weakness. I see them, in this regard, as a sign of strength to let go. So, I ask you today to let go; let it out in order to allow and receive what is waiting for you.
One of the activities I use in my Christmas season is a crying party. I always get strange looks when I mention it, but it can be a powerful exercise to help you. No, life will not be the same as it was during previous holidays with your loved one, but - your new life going forward can be meaningful.
Plan your cry party, or in most cases, simply do it spontaneously. It is also a good response to one of those unpredictable grief bursts. Go to a quiet place away from others and distractions. Take with you a favorite item of your loved one (a special holiday ornament, article of clothing, book, a gift they gave you, a letter they wrote to you, etc.). If you enjoy candles, light one. If you enjoy music, play a favorite song of yours or of your loved one. What do you do next? CRY, CRY, CRY. Yes, have a cry party.
One loved one actually used this exercise with family members. All were holding in emotions of grief, trying to be strong for each other. The cry party allowed each of them to release without the perceived need to be strong for each other.
Try a cry party today, or schedule one. After your celebration, journal your experience. Of what did you let go? How do you feel? What can you do to move forward to honor and remember your loved one?
I will be closing with my new favorite saying: "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone" ROSE KENNEDY (1890 - 1995). A crying party helps with the coping, covering, and processing of the grieving process. Happy Healthy Holiday Crying!
John T. Catrett, III.
ONHL Hospice Chaplain
918. 352. 3080
john.catrett3@gmail.com