Just when we think we are really coming to grips with our grief and learning to live fully in the world alone, that big black ugly thundercloud of grief comes rolling back into our lives with tornado-like winds of emotion.
Rather than write an article on how to cope with this, or give some learned advice from others, allow me to quote a poem written by a hurting friend of mine. It streamed out of her heart, and hopefully to your heart! It happened one morning when she woke up early and here is what she wrote for you.
“Grief
Like a thief in the night
Grief slinks silently back into my life
Disturbing the peace I have fought so hard for
It is like a fractious child demanding attention
And as the mother with her child, I give in
And am taken back to the beginning.
When days were so long and nights even longer.
When I thought there was no way out of this slough of despair
And I am once again immobilized by it.
But I have been here before
Many times since that April night
And I know I can climb out
And once again put grief back where it belongs
Until the next time.”
Those of us who have had the experience of losing a loved one know that grief doesn't go away. It lurks in hidden corners waiting to spring out at us when we least expect it. So what can we do about this? Grief is beyond our control. It doesn't ask permission to invade our lives. It doesn't ask whether there is room for it, it just is, and for many of us it is there always.
We can and do forget for a while. It is alright to forget our sorrow and to laugh. After all, our loved one would not have wanted us to sit in a corner and be miserable. He/she would encourage us to get on with the rest of our life, and we do. Then when we least expect it, grief comes back.
It is alright to laugh with friends and exchange remembrances of the person who has died. For many of us this keeps that person alive for a short time. But sometimes, when we have forgotten for a while and maybe laughed and smiled, grief arrives, and as it does we suddenly feel guilty. We feel some guilt at forgetting for a while, but as we know, guilt often goes hand in hand with grief.
"Why was that one taken and not me?" is a question often asked by those bereaved. There is no answer to that question. We have to accept and move on. Acceptance may take a while. Don't try to hurry the process. Don't be hurried along this path by wellmeaning friends and acquaintances. Only you will know when you can accept the fact of this loss. May the Lord help you in your grief journey with peace, comfort and strength!
John T. Catrett, III
ONHL Hospice Chaplain
124 East Broadway,
PO Box 1216
Drumright, OK. 74030
918.352.3080