Recently, I was asked to speak to several hundred people who openly admitted they dread the holidays. The period between Thanksgiving and Christmas isn’t the favorite for a lot of people. There is escalated alcohol consumption, an increase in domestic violence, more arrests, a rise in the number of suicides. The number of people battling depression also intensifies more during the holidays than any other time of year.
Dr. Ken Duckworth, medical director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness wrote, “I think a lot of people would say that the holidays are the worst time of the year. They’re just straight up miserable, and that’s not only for people with clinical depression.”
Why is that? Why does the “hap, hap happiest time of the year” become the gloomiest time of the year for so many? If I were going to “Chart the Top 5 Reasons” that holidays are difficult for some many people – even those who are usually in the “hap, hap, happiest of” moods, it would be as follows: (5) Memories, They Are the Worst I Ever Had. Some of us have had very poor childhood experiences every holiday season. Maybe dad got drunk, mom was stressed out, they never got the presents they hoped for or they had to travel to Grandma’s house and it wasn’t any fun! Those childhood memories are deeply embedded in the mind and subconsciously surface leading up to the holidays.
(4) Over COMMITMENT! There’s just too much to do and not enough time or money to do it all just right. Aren’t the holidays stressful enough? This is especially a problem for mothers of young children, as well as homemakers AND those who work and want to be a semi-domestic wonder goddess even if it is only once a year.
(3) Under $ PRESSURE!!! People tend to spend more than they can afford so their kids will have a Merry Christmas. Then they feel guilty about having overspent and discouraged because they know what they face when the credit card bills come due in January.
(2) EMPTY Chair. Some folks used to really enjoy the holiday season because they were with all of the people they loved and even those they tolerated. But now, because someone who meant the world to them has died, it is too different. The kids moved away. Your favorite cousin is in the military overseas. You’ve gone through a divorce. Maybe it is that the holidays remind everyone that they are all still single. Regardless of the reason, there is a gnawing loneliness.
(1) (Should’ve had) NO Expectations!! Advertisersand Hallmark cards create an image of a warm, family-centered Thanksgiving and Christmas. Everyone is exchanging gifts of love, everyone is smiling and hugging while the snow is gently falling outside and the fireplace is aglow. (It’s kind of where Thomas Kinkade meets the Budweiser Clydesdales pulling a sleigh through the fresh fallen snow right up to Santa’s house.) Reality is nothing like that. I mean, we CAN have a great time – share love, hugs, gifts, and be joyful... yes! But, people are alone even if they are in a room full. There are those who have none to share the holidays with or none with whom they wish to share the holidays.
Families are divided. Kids are on drugs. Dad sits in the easy chair and won’t help out with the lights. Mom nags. Kids complain. Somebody refuses to come. We have to walk on eggshells because of someone’s sensitive feelings. These are harsh but true words. There’s such a gap between what should be and what is … and it’s magnified between Thanksgiving and the New Year.
We would do well to remember the first Thanksgiving wasn’t perfect. Forty-five of the 102 settlers who arrived on the Mayflower died that first year. Their homes were little more than huts and their futures were uncertain. While some of the Native Americans were friendly, others were threatening. Yet the pilgrims paused to thank God for His goodness in providing enough harvest that they had a chance to survive the approaching winter.
The first Christmas also was far from perfect. Mary and Joseph were under stress to find a place to stay. They spent the night in some kind of stable where animals were housed. A baby was born without any professional care, anesthesia or sterile conditions. When they finally settled down for rest, there was a knock on the barn door and smelly shepherds wanted to see the Christ-child. That must have been a far cry from what Mary had imagined that day when Gabriel informed her she was going to give birth to the Son of God.
I close my thoughts with you today thinking about some practical ways to get through the holidays with a positive spirit: (1) Plan something you really like to do the day after.
(2) Do something to help someone else and fake it ‘til you make it.
(3) Be flexible and willing to make reasonable adjustments.
(4) The most important thing is to really focus on Christ—on what the season is all about.
A College professor related that when he was a 20-yearyoung man, he was a soldier fighting his way through Western Europe. On Christmas Eve, his small contingent bunked down in an old barn outside Paris. That night he really felt sorry for himself. He thought, “This is as low as it gets. It’s Christmas Eve. Last year I was in a warm home with my parents and loved ones. This year, I’m thousands of miles from home, alone in a cold barn and I don’t know if I’ll live through tomorrow. It can’t get much worse than this.” Then it hit him! That’s what the first Christmas was like. Jesus left His comfortable home in heaven and spent His first night in a cold barn, subject to all kinds of dangers. That Christmas Eve in France became one of the most memorable of his life as he thanked God and developed a deeper appreciation of what Jesus did for him.
The holidays aren’t really about perfect relationships, joybells ting-a-linging and warm hugs around a perfect dinner table. It’s giving genuine thanks for this marvelous, incredible story: that God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son to all so that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. It’s being reminded of a marvelous promise that even though life here is imperfect, we have a perfect inheritance that can never expire, spoil or fade, that will be kept in heaven for us.