Scissortail Hospice Chaplain Bristow, Oklahoma
Have you lost someone so very special that you feel like you can never ever be happy again? As a Christian chaplain at a hospice ministry, I sense this from my clients, and oftentimes hear them verbalize it. So let’s just get that question out in the open and examine it more closely. Sooner or later all of us will be hit with a loss we think that we cannot bear. Absolutely no one can escape this feeling of how can I go on without this person in my life?
Consider the death of Senator Ted Kennedy. May I say that whether you respect the man’s personal life, or share his political views or not, we could all learn something from the way he looked grief and personal tragedy in the eye during his lifetime? (And from my perspective, his family suffered more than their fair share of it!) His loved ones will miss the Senator. His family, as all families, will have to wrap themselves around their monumental loss, cling together, and go forward in life as he did. They, and we, know that no one can ever take the place of the beloved deceased person. As human beings, we wonder if we can ever overcome the pain and loss that we feel. We question whether we can go on or find hope and joy again. May I share with you this thought: Most definitely we (you) can! Here are three steps that we need to take to overcome this personal loss in our lives.
The first step is to make a conscious decision that we are going to live, and that means we will get out of bed every day and get busy with life that’s around us. Life is a gift (not a gag gift, but a wonderful present), even if you don’t feel that way right now. Be grateful for your precious life, even the sad parts, for they have a way of opening our understanding more fully. Also, others who love you and depend on you are expecting you to be there for them. These loved ones need you there physically, emotionally, and spiritually, because they value and esteem you even without you knowing it.
Second step is to allow yourself time to grieve your loss every day—not every single moment, mind you—but actively taking walks and meditating on your specific loss. Don't be afraid to cry at these times if need be. Crying is good for us! Also, try writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal (writing is good therapy). Consider doing something for someone else that is in a worse condition than you are. For example you could work at a soup kitchen for the homeless or visit people in a nursing home. If you have children or grandchildren, reach out to them. (Oh, the joy of hugging grandchildren, nothing like it.) If you have a mate or close friend, turn toward, and not away, from those who love you.
The third step (Are you ready for this one?) is to pray for the grace and courage to accept your life as it is now. You will probably go through the stages of grief and loss (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance) more than once. So what! It's okay. Actually, it’s a very healthy thing to do. Welcome to the human race! Allow yourself to be fully human. Remember to reflect more on your many present blessings, and less on your past sorrows. It’s difficult, but you can do it with God’s help. You really can.
Dear readers, there is an appointed time for everything under the heavens. Look at Ecclesiastes 3: 1-3, “A time for every purpose under the heavens. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant…a time to heal…a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Yes, there is a time to hope again and get on with life, and this is that time; the time to make every day countand matter!
John T. Catrett, III Scissortail Hospice Chaplain 306 North Main Street, Suite E Bristow, OK 74010 (918) 352.3080