Emotional Suffering
Like an unwelcome guest who lingers too long (Mark Twain said guests and fish begin to stink after three days), pain, in one form or other, is likely to drop into our lives at some point. It may come in the form of judgment, when others seem to reject us or refuse us the very love or consideration we need the most.
Pain may come dressed in a deep loss, carrying the somber misery of grief or the foreboding of loneliness. It may come in the form of poverty, physical suffering, constant struggle, illness, injury, achingly unmet emotional needs, or even the hollow misery that we cannot name or articulate.
Whatever the cause, pain is a pain. In fact, several recent studies have shown that emotional pain runs on the same neural pathways that physical pain follows. The brain processes both emotional and physical pain in roughly the same areas. In other words, stress and emotional suffering are intertwined with the way we feel physical pain.
Emotional pain is just as real as physical pain and vice versa. The question in my mind is not merely the cause (we often know the source of our suffering), but rather what we choose to do in response to whatever pain we feel. Has the event, loss, illness, injury or ongoing situation become our identity? Can we distance ourselves from the pain in the sense that we reach beyond it?
Even if it does overwhelm us at times, can we see it as separate from who we really are? Much of our suffering begins to fall away when we center ourselves within the moment, instead of trying to live in the past or the future relating to what has been or could be, instead of what is). Reaching out to others and seeking to be of service also helps. We can bear almost anything if we feel it has significance. If for instance, we see pain as a means to deepen our relationship with ourselves, others, and our spiritual source, it can become extraordinarily valuable – even if the pain, in and of itself, would otherwise seem to lack any sense of meaning. Significant loss can be transformed into something more beautiful with this type of courage. By facing the root cause, whatever it is, with love, compassion and a willingness to forgive, even if it may seem unforgivable.
Forgiveness does not mean we say that an event or action is okay. Itdoesnotsuggestwedo not bear the loss or feel the pain. It means we refuse to tie ourselves to the train tracks of hate or vengeance. We may still seek justice peacefully and yet not hate. Indeed,suffering does not have to destroy us or even define us. It can actually lift us up and help us to live with greater compassion and power. My point in sharing all of this is first to say that you are not alone in your pain.
While no one else may know exactly what you are going through, pain is a universal phenomenon. We need to encourage each other to allow ourselves to feel whatever we feel and the privilege to share it freely. Admitting that we are overwhelmed is entirely okay. We are not made of stone, pain, quite frankly, sucks, regardless of the source. This also means that we cannot judge the amount of suffering someone is experiencing, If it is hard for you, it is hard. It does not matter if it would be easier for someone else. Only the one in pain knows the depth of that pain. When we do encounter pain, in our life or the life of another, this should motivate us to be kind and compassionate, rather than becoming bitter. Always remember boiling water can either harden an egg or soften a potato. Things will continue to happen to us in life, (we will regularly find ourselves in hot water), and it is how we choose to respond that makes all of the difference and is truly all that matters.
Pain and suffering may not be optional, but becoming hardened and imbittered is.
John T. Catrett, III 306 North Main Street, Suite E Bristow, OK 74010 918.352.3080