Healthy grieving takes time and emotional effort to learn about ourselves, about our family, and about how we are created.
Helen Keller wrote, “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it.” We pray that you have felt some comfort, strength and yes, even some victories in handling these waves of grief that came your way. Someone compared grief to “peeling an onion, as it comes off one layer at a time, and you cry a lot.” I like this comparison because it allows for great flexibility and meaning. No two onions are exactly alike, and the same is true of grieving experiences. Each one is unique unto itself. Each person grieves in his or her own way, and on his or her own timetable.
In these mailings, we have been encouraging you to peel back the different layers of feelings of the onion of grief. The first major layer of the onion was the dry hull. The shock of death striking so near causes such a flood of emotions, but we realize we are moving through a healthy stage of grieving.
The second major layer is called the reality deposit. This layer gradually comes after the shock, but it will come, and then reality begins its slow takeover. We may feel loss, hopelessness, and even unbearable emotional pain. There seems to be no way out and no way to survive, but we discovered four realities that can help us to cope.
The third major layer is what I call the reaction, or the fighting back level. This is where we talk and express ourselves to special people in our lives. If we don’t communicate our grief with friends or family members, then we become angry, bitter, mad, and hateful people to those who we dearly love. The key to overcoming this layer is sharing what’s going on in our hearts and minds with someone special.
The fourth and final layer of grieving is rebuilding. We do not get well. The pain does not go away. We do not forget or stop honoring our loved one, but the day comes when we turn the corner in the way we cope. As the journey progresses, we begin to discover things that speak to us. Some find Scriptures like the 23rd Psalm that reaches out and touches our hearts and souls. For others, there may be a poem or a statement someone wrote or said to us in the right moment that made it meaningful to our lives. One day we wake up for some unknown reason and we experience inside our hearts real comfort. It comes gradually as our hearts are healed.
May the reading of this article be a blessing as you journey on the upward road of rebuilding your life!
John T. Catrett, III
Scissortail Hospice Chaplain
124 East Broadway,
PO Box 1216
Drumright, OK. 74030
918.352.3080