Losing a loved one is a shock. Most of us are not prepared for the full impact of grief. Some people confess the first time they experienced real grief, there was a short period when they thought they lost their minds. The emotions of grief caught them off guard, and they could not handle the range of emotions they experienced.
One of the more difficult aspects of grief is crying. It may sound strange, but in the Western world, we get the impression that public crying is not acceptable. Perhaps a few tears around the graveside is tolerable, but afterwards tears should not be seen. Most of us are taught from youth that this is the way it should be. In some situations women are allowed more freedom to shed tears than men, but mostly we try to hide our tears from people. Have you ever heard people apologize when they begin to cry?
Only close family and friends are allowed to share our tears. What do you do when you need to cry but find it difficult to find enough alone time to do it properly?
There are a few simple, but effective ideas you can try to find some private time to cry. Taking a walk in nature, if possible, can create an area of freedom to cry. As long as it is safe, the more remote you are the better. Wearing sunglasses can help disguise your tears. Nature has great soothing properties.
If walking in nature is not possible, there are some more simple methods you can use. The most effective is taking a warm shower. Crying is easy under a soothing spray of warm water. This can give you five to ten minutes of privacy to cry at will. The sound of running water will also help to mask the sound of your crying. You can also try to take a swim in the pool. The water will hide the tears and you can even allow yourself the luxury of shouting at the top of your voice underwater. No one will be any wiser. Be creative and you will discover many ways to find some alone time to cry. Just remember that eve though crying with family and friends offers its own unique advantages, there will be times you want to be alone.
When healing from the death of a loved one, finding time to express your pain is necessary. Find time to express your hurt and cry to your heart's content.
John T. Catrett, III Refuge Care Hospice Chaplain 918.352.3080