To Honor, Celebrate and Remember Your Precious Mother
How do you plan to remember your Mother on Mother's Day? This is the one most celebrated days of the year, and one of the saddest days for those whose Mother is deceased. I had a friend who worked at cemetery, and shared this some years ago, 'It was a major adjustment for me when going to work at the cemetery and hearing that 'everyone has to work on Mother's Day.' I thought how unfair as I always spend that day between spending time with my Mother and my family celebrating me. However, after the first year, it became an honor to be there for those who came to the cemetery on Mother's Day to bring flowers, spend time, pay tribute, share rituals, and honor their Mothers. It was the busiest weekend of the year at the cemetery.'
We need to learned to appreciate that each of us is unique and therefore honor, celebrate, and remember our Mother's in many different ways, if at all. I use to thinking somewhat illwilled of those who said, 'I don't return to a grave-site because she isn't there.' At that time, I didn't understand how anyone could say such a thing. Did that mean they didn't care about Mother? Did they not have a good relationship with Mother? Was Mother a bad person? Was it guilt,regret,or anger? Was the thought simply an emotion of grief at that time? I no longer feel that way. I now know, and can appreciate, that we can feel our Mother's love, presence, spirit, or essence in many forms.
My dear Mother died in April of 1999, a month before Mother's Day. That first Mother's Day was somewhat of ablur. Thisyear,althoughit's the sixteenth year, seems like the first Mother's Day without her. I've had so many thoughts of how to celebrate. I am grateful for my two precious sisters, because they also have the same heart felt connection to our precious mother, and honor and celebrate her in our own ways.
Do I want to visit her grave at the cemetery? Yes. Do I want to sit quietly and light a candle? Maybe, as I've done that on other special days during this first year. Do I want to cook and place a special place setting at the table for her? Hmmmm, don't think so. Number one reason is that I don't know how to cook. Do I want to do something that she always loved to do? No,I don't. Do I want to cancel being with my own children and grandchildren to grieve alone? No, way! She loved being with her family, and she would want that for me! As a chaplain, I might not suggest that one to a loved one grieving. Do I want to plant some flowers in memory of Mother? Well,I love planting flowers so that might be nice. Do I want to spend the day looking at photos, memorabilia of the good times? No, definitely not.
It's been the strangest year with the dying of my wonderful Mother-In-Law. There have been days of unexpected and unpredictable grief bursts appearing out of nowhere, but, it has also been a year of so many feelings of peace. When i think of both these cherished ladies, I feel their presence and I smile. When someone talks about the positive affect either one of these ladies had on their life, I feel their presence and I smile. When I see a butterfly, I feel their presence and I smile. There are so many times that I feel their presence and a sense of peace and love abound.
So, maybe I'll do what I love to do (yes, after going out with our sons and our daughter in laws, and our grandchildren). I'll go jogging by the water for the feeling of peace, serenity, love, and gratitude. I'll practice what I teach - Cherish the memories and embrace the future.
However you choose to honor, celebrate and remember your Mother on Mother's Day, or any day, it is your personal experience. No wrong or right way to do so. May peace, love, and gratitude bless your home! Happy Mother's Day!
John T. Catrett, III Refuge Care Hospice Chaplain