Refuge Care Hospice Chaplain
Someone suggested, “Marriage is an agreement between two people to work through the difficulties and problems. The problems they would have never had if they hadn’t got married in the first place. Obviously, it is much more than that. But in my experience, I find that to be true.
God intended marriage to be the highest of all human relationships. Admittedly, there are challenges at times. But there’s nothing better than coming home at the end of the day, knowing there is someone there to whom you are the most important person in the world.
Marriage is the basic building block of society. The very first institution God established was the home. In the opening pages of the Bible, God brought Adam and Eve together and stated, “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24) God intended the home to be the primary place of identity and love for the married couple and a place of security and instruction for their children. That’s why God established marriage as a covenant with Him. He said,“What God has joined together let no one separate” (Mark 10:9).
The Bible emphasizes that theme repeatedly: “’The man who hates and divorces his wife … does violence to the one he should protect,’ says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful” (Malachi 2:16). “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral”(Hebrews 13:4). “… each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).
However, what God intended to be honored as a sacred covenant Satan is determined to kill, steal, and destroy. And Satan has widly succeeded. Rather than regarding marriage as a divine institution, we now view it as a human innovation that can be totally disregarded, easily dissolved, or dramatically redefined. Consequently, the foundations are being destroyed, and the culture is coming unraveled. As a result, about half of today’s youth grow up in broken homes and have no concept of what a Godly marriage is supposed to be.
A police officer spoke several months ago at a Christian event in our city. This gentleman is an African-American and an impressive young Christian man. He said, “The greatest problem in our community is not crime. The greatest problem in our community is not race. The greatest problem in the state of Oklahoma is fatherlessness.” And he added, “Absentee fathers are now enabled by government programs that actually encourage and underwrite the source of the problem.”
A high school football coach here in Oklahoma told a friend of mine last winter that two-thirds of the young men on his football team have no father figure in their lives. The issue was not only having no father in the home but also no father figure in their lives at all. That’s so sad! But it underscores a nationwide problem that a significant contributor to the decay of our culture is the breakdown of the family.
There’s an old saying,“The best thing a father can do for his children istolovetheirmother.” I want to suggest another, “The best thing the church can do for the worldistomodelmarriage.” We should demonstrate to the world a positive example of a loving, secure family.
Our culture’s poor perception of marriage cannot only be blamed on Satan or politicians or Hollywood. Unfortunately, many within the church have not set a very inspiring example. When you see a couple in a restaurant talking, laughing, touching, actively listening, whatdoyouconclude? You likely presume they’re not married! When you see another couple staring into space, checking their cell phones, seemingly bored to tears, what do you conclude? Someone facetiously comments that they must be celebrating their forty wedding anniversary!
No wonder young people have such a negative concept of marriage. They hear sermons about what a marriage is to be, but they don’t see many examples of couples whoarefulfilledandhappy. Even worse, they see couples in the church divorcing each other for some petty shallow, unbiblical reasons.
So, one of the best things we can do is model what marriage and family should be. The women of the world should be saying to their husbands, “I want you to treat me the way those husbands in the church treat their wives” (and vice versa). Youthshouldbetelling their Christian friends, “I hope I can have a home like yours someday.”
When I write about, “model marriage,” I’m not talking about a syrupy, sickeningly sweet relationship that’s so phony it turns people off. One woman said,“My parents were married fifty-five years, and they never argued or even exchanged a harsh word.” That’s ideal, but there are many kids who cantruthfullysaythat. Goodand godly wives and wonderful loving husbands can have strong personalities. They spend a lot of time telling each other what to do, and they may even disagree quite a bit, but they still love and respect each other.
But they can still be a model marriage to others by demonstrating that they love each other despite disagreements. They teasingly say that we stuck with it for fiftysix years, even though the going wasn’t always easy. However,they can be different and still love and complement each other. I personally believe that’s more inspirational and more realistic than pretending a perfect relationship.
At a reception of precious older friends of mine who were being honored with their church family for their 50th anniversary. The minister congratulated the husband on fifty years of marriage. Then, looking for something else to say, he remarked, “That’s a long time!” Without batting an eye or trying to be clever, the husband responded simply, “Not as long as it would have been without her.” That’s lasting love. That’s a model worth emulating.
John T. Catrett, III Refuge Care Hospice Chaplain