Coping with the absence of a loved one at this time of year only adds to the stress that has been building ever since the time of their passing. At a point in time when people come together to experience joy and sharing, this one will be different. This Christmas will feel like it's arrived faster than ever and will be a constant reminder that this festive season, an occasion for celebration will never be the same ever again.
Although there is an empty space in your heart that your loved one was once filled with their laughter and love or maybe the odd tantrum or sulk, it will never be filled in quite the same way by anyone else. That's what makes us unique, special, loved and irreplaceable.
Now, especially at this time of the year, you have the choice as to whether that hole is kept empty or if it will be filled again. Your emotions are very complex, and protecting yourself after such a loss is understandable. A natural reaction is to keep everyone around you at arm's length, but by doing this you risk shutting out love. The people whom you push away are not only grieving for the loss of their loved one, but they also grieve for the loss of the relationship they had with you.
Beliefs that broken hearts never heal are just that, beliefs. Hearts don't actually break; sometimes we just struggle or fail to let go of what has gone. Holding on dearly to someone that once blessed our lives with laughter and love has moved on; now it's your turn. This doesn't mean that you will ever forget, because you won't. You just learn to live life without them. The only time that your loved ones cease to exist is when we stop acknowledging who they were. So take time to remember them. It doesn't matter how; the important thing is that you do. It's personal when it comes to honoring someone. Just do what feels right. You might find it difficult and want to protect others from the hurt you are feeling, but don't be afraid to share. They too are hurting and will be grateful that you have finally opened your heart and allowed them in.
Share everything that made your loved one special!
Memories ~ good and bad. Let's be honest. This person wasn't a saint, but it doesn't mean you loved them any less.
Pictures/photographs ~ ask if anyone has any that you might not have seen before. You might be surprised; in fact, I know you will. This allows you to visit the world they experienced without you, a part of their life you know nothing about.
Songs ~ play their favorite music. Sing and dance to it. Havei fun, just as your loved one would have done. Step into their shoes for a while and smile.
Stories ~ listen to how others saw your loved one. Marvel in their relationship and how they touched the lives of others.
Celebrating Christmas this year is a must! Don't forget those that are no longer with you, but at the same time don't forget those that are. Hold your head up high. Be proud that your loved one decided to bless your life, and for that reason alone they will always be in your heart. Gone but never forgotten.
John T. Catrett, III
ONHL Hospice Chaplain
918.352.3080
john.catrett3@gmail.com