Over recent months I have been counseling several people with varying degrees of traumatic history and significant current challenges related to the trauma. As I reflect on that work and the people, I feel compelled to explain their situation in a way that leads to greater understanding. I've started calling it the 'emotional swamp land of life,' a difficult and quite painful space in which trauma expresses itself in the present. For those who are not familiar with the experience, it is filled with murkiness and bogged down discomfort. The cause is rarely clear, and attempts to explore it are invariably unproductive. A woman recently said of it, 'I feel lost, empty and alone.' I might add another word that often seems to apply: impenetrable.
Is it any wonder that those in the swamp land of emotional distress become depressed, debilitated and discouraged? Even if they break through the denial, discouragement or delusion that obscures the trauma, there is little to encourage them. A common and insensitive response from others who do not understand is vague encouragement to just deal with it, but even if you try to move forward in a swamp, it continues to suck at your feet, drag you down, slow progress, and offer unrelenting resistance. 'Grief is a crippling , sucking sensation; an experience tearing and shredding your soul, your deepest core... it hits like a tidal wave, throws us upside down/inside out... and you still have to deal with life.' ~ Viv Harvey Worse still are well-intended people attempting to elevate the mood of the sufferer in the swamp. 'Look on the bright side.' 'You have so much going for you.' 'We love you.' These only make the person slogging through the swamp feel as if they are falling short. Of course, there is always the argument that some of those stranded in the swamp are self-pitying, or self-indulgent. This is often the pickyourself- up-by-the-bootstraps story, generally offered by those who do not understand that bootstraps embedded in the mire are of little assistance. The swamp sounds quite hopeless, doesn't it? Indeed, that is how the swamp-sufferer experiences it. There is no apparent relief, only a continuing and unpleasant trek through unrelenting psychological and emotional terrain.
What then are we to do? Staying with the analogy, I would propose the only solution available to those of us who would seek to assist is to become a swamp guide. We don't try to talk them out of the swamp, or change their perspective. We don't blame or condemn them. We walk into the swamp, and put our hand in theirs. Then we point to the higher ground, even if it is not in sight, recounting to them the possibilities for progress that we can see. With painstaking steps and countless assurances, we can lead them forward. That's what it is to be a swamp guide, and it may be the only solution.
Seeing Truth Plainly! Any one who struggles cannot be in any space other than the one they find themselves in. Given time, place, circumstances, beliefs and any number of factors that are fixed both inside and outside us, everyone is presently in the only space they can possibly find, even if it is a swamp. The only question is whether we are willing and able to join them there.
Seeing Truth in Action! Here are questions to ask about your availability to be a swamp guide.
* Do I feel judgmental or critical of the difficult circumstances another person is in?
* Does the need to blame them arise?
* Am I feeling impatient toward them and their situation?
* Do I actually want to understand? To assist?
* Am I willing to stay no matter how long it takes? Here is the final question to challenge your own development. Are you willing to relinquish those perspectives in order to be useful to someone else? If you answered yes to this last question, congratulations you qualify to be a genuine swamp guide! John T. Catrett, III Scissortail Hospice Chaplain 306 North Main St., Suite E Bristow, Ok. 74010 918.352.3080